So God, in His infinite wisdom, had an answer waiting for me in Proverbs 29. Well, actually several answers.
verse 1: He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck,
Will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.
verse 23: A man's pride will bring him low,
But the humble in spirit will retain honor.
'Nuff said. Moral of the story is, if I CHOOSE humility, I don't have to be humbled. And I won't be suddenly destroyed without remedy. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.
In all honesty, after reading Proverbs 29, I was so ashamed of myself that I just wanted to delete the post so no one would know of my shame. But I think I'll keep it. Like I said, this is a journal of growth.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Right in the Pride
This is not a sad story. I want you to know that before reading on. This, like everything else I have written thus far, is a journal of what I am thinking and feeling in this moment about my time in Madrid. Here I go.
Here's something you may not know about me (but if you have known me more than 10 minutes you most likely do): I struggle with pride. No, that's not right. Pride and I get along just fine. It's HUMILITY that I have a problem with. "Well, YEAH we all knew that! What does this have to do with you being in Spain?!" You may ask me (to yourself). Well, geez gimme the chance to tell you!
The language barrier is larger than I could have ever imagined. When I attempt to speak Spanish, some people just look at me as if I am a fish out of water (exactly what I feel like). And in my head, I'm screaming, "You know what I mean!!!!!" And I know that they do because usually they correct my Spanish. I HATE being corrected (remember the pride thing?) I always have. I know this is a folly. So when I get corrected, I fight my flesh, smile and say, "Thank you." This was going so well... for the first week. Now I'm entering week 3 and every time I get corrected, I want to pull my hair out. I want to tell people that I am a competent human being, I promise! If you let me speak in English, I'll show you!
It's a strange feeling, being reduced to little more than a 3rd grade level in a language. This is especially strange for me because all of my life I have been praised for being articulate and for having a command of the English language. I did not know how much of an area of pride this was for me. I guess from an outside perspective, this could seem like a really good thing. I am being purged of unnecessary and destructive pride. Okay. I can deal with that. My next question is, how do I deal with all of this? With a sense of loss, with a feeling of being stripped to the bare-minimum, with being humbled?
If you have any suggestions, I will gladly receive them. If not, we'll just have to see what God does.
Humbly Yours (lol),
Jessyka Starr
Here's something you may not know about me (but if you have known me more than 10 minutes you most likely do): I struggle with pride. No, that's not right. Pride and I get along just fine. It's HUMILITY that I have a problem with. "Well, YEAH we all knew that! What does this have to do with you being in Spain?!" You may ask me (to yourself). Well, geez gimme the chance to tell you!
The language barrier is larger than I could have ever imagined. When I attempt to speak Spanish, some people just look at me as if I am a fish out of water (exactly what I feel like). And in my head, I'm screaming, "You know what I mean!!!!!" And I know that they do because usually they correct my Spanish. I HATE being corrected (remember the pride thing?) I always have. I know this is a folly. So when I get corrected, I fight my flesh, smile and say, "Thank you." This was going so well... for the first week. Now I'm entering week 3 and every time I get corrected, I want to pull my hair out. I want to tell people that I am a competent human being, I promise! If you let me speak in English, I'll show you!
It's a strange feeling, being reduced to little more than a 3rd grade level in a language. This is especially strange for me because all of my life I have been praised for being articulate and for having a command of the English language. I did not know how much of an area of pride this was for me. I guess from an outside perspective, this could seem like a really good thing. I am being purged of unnecessary and destructive pride. Okay. I can deal with that. My next question is, how do I deal with all of this? With a sense of loss, with a feeling of being stripped to the bare-minimum, with being humbled?
If you have any suggestions, I will gladly receive them. If not, we'll just have to see what God does.
Humbly Yours (lol),
Jessyka Starr
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Adventures!!!
As you already know... I HAVE EXPLORED! Go me. Also, laziness (maybe actually jet lag?) lost its iron grip on me and I will now show you pictures! Get excited!
Well, umm... I don't know what else you want from me. I guess I can tell you that I have also been to El Parque Ritiro and the Prado Museum. What's so cool about living in Madrid, is that it's kind of like living in Washington DC. EVERYTHING is significant. Even the things that don't look significant? Yeah, those too. For example, the building I go to school in? A converted palace. No biggie.
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| ¡Mi dormitorio! (My room!) That green thing in the corner is a turtle. Her name is Georgia. She belongs to my 12 year old sister, Nautica. |
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| What you see is the view I have every morning on my way to the metro. It is also half of the famous "Torres" Buildings. They are symbols of modern Madrid and, as you can see, are slanted. |
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| Real men. Freaked me out. Oh, this is also Plaza de Sol aka ground Zero for Madrid (all streets start here). |
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| I don't remember what that building is but all the confused looking people are classmates. |
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| Plaza Mayor. It's a big deal. (I don't really know why except there was a war here.) |
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| If Spaniards know nothing else, they definitely know their sweets. |
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| Even their street performers are classy! |
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| Book Store. In the middle of the street. My kinda place. |
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| That is a churro dipped in melted chocolate. What were you saying? I couldn't hear you over the symphony in my mouth. |
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| Expensive hotel. |
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| Mi Querida, Rebekah. |
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| Bank of Spain. Also a big deal. |
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| FRIENDS! |
Well, umm... I don't know what else you want from me. I guess I can tell you that I have also been to El Parque Ritiro and the Prado Museum. What's so cool about living in Madrid, is that it's kind of like living in Washington DC. EVERYTHING is significant. Even the things that don't look significant? Yeah, those too. For example, the building I go to school in? A converted palace. No biggie.
Maybe I will get better about documenting my trip and telling you about the places that I go as I go there... but I make no promises. ¡Besos!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Oh, Have You met my Husband?
WARNING: This blog post is filled with the thoughts, prayers and desires of a typical 20 year old girl. Sue me. This one is also for the single ladies.
CALM DOWN. I'm not married (yet). Just a catchy title. Lemme tell you what it means.
So one night, I was talking to my Abba Father (God) and I said to Him,
"Lord, if you do not have a husband out there for me, would you satisfy me with yourself? Would you make my time sweet with you and fill me up with you to the point of not desiring a husband? But Lord, if you do have a husband for me, would you help me to be patient?" Then I went to sleep.
The next morning, I was having my time alone with God when I stumbled across Psalm 63:1-6. Verse 5 says this:
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
CALM DOWN. I'm not married (yet). Just a catchy title. Lemme tell you what it means.
So one night, I was talking to my Abba Father (God) and I said to Him,
"Lord, if you do not have a husband out there for me, would you satisfy me with yourself? Would you make my time sweet with you and fill me up with you to the point of not desiring a husband? But Lord, if you do have a husband for me, would you help me to be patient?" Then I went to sleep.
The next morning, I was having my time alone with God when I stumbled across Psalm 63:1-6. Verse 5 says this:
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
This seemed like a pretty straight-forward answer to me: I am never getting married. But then I thought about it some more and this is the progression of my thoughts.
1) Maybe I am supposed to live as if I will never have a husband.
2) Maybe I am to live as if I already have a husband.
1) Maybe I am supposed to live as if I will never have a husband.
2) Maybe I am to live as if I already have a husband.
The more I think about the second thought, the more I like it. If God is my husband, I never have to be in waiting for one- I already have my husband, the lover of my soul! I also like this because God is perfect, right? So that means He also makes the perfect husband. He knows me completely and still loves me. If I have this frame of mind, it really doesn't matter if I have a mate or not. If I do, that's great! Two husbands for me! (For those who know me well, you will know how excited I am about that.) But if not, oh well! I already have the world's best husband.
I am still mulling these thoughts over but I thought I would put them somewhere so I don't forget them.
Also, I have been in Spain 1 week. CRAZY.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Rumors: True or False?
I have plenty to tell y'all because... I HAVE EXPLORED!!!! BUT I'm not gunna! I know what you're thinking, "Jessyka, just give us the goods! We want to know what you're doing and we want proof via pictures!" Well my demanding friends, that is exactly why I will not be telling you about my adventures just yet... Because of the disease called "laziness" that is currently preventing me from uploading pictures. Life is hard. Instead, I wanna tell you about somethings I have learned!!! What is to follow are some rumors I have heard about Madrid from students who have done the program before me and what I now think of those rumors.
1) Spanish men are not cute.
FALSE. I have heard very few things less true. Spanish eye candy abounds in truck-loads. I considered dedicating an entire blog to all of the attractive men in Madrid but then I said, "Oh but then I have to upload more pictures..." But here's a lil sample from the interwebs.
2) Spaniards are rude/ standoff-ish.
FALSE. It is true that Spaniards do not smile at strangers BUT they are very willing to help their fellow-man. That has been my experience thus far.
3) Spaniards care about the way they dress.
TRUE. Truer words have never been spoken. I have a 24 year old sister who is just fabulous. ALWAYS. People get dressed just to go to the grocery store. Physical appearance is a matter of pride here much like it is in other big cities in the states EXCEPT not a moment goes by where you will see a Spaniard in public in "relaxing" clothes.
4) You will not become fluent- 4 months just isn't enough time.
This may be true but my Spanish is improving a little bit every day! The downside is, my English is struggling but OH WELL! You win some, you lose some.
1) Spanish men are not cute.
FALSE. I have heard very few things less true. Spanish eye candy abounds in truck-loads. I considered dedicating an entire blog to all of the attractive men in Madrid but then I said, "Oh but then I have to upload more pictures..." But here's a lil sample from the interwebs.
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| The lil fella on the right is on a Spanish futbol (soccer) team. Don't worry , ladies, he's taken. By Shakira. I don't know who the other guy is but he looks like a bucket full of fun. |
FALSE. It is true that Spaniards do not smile at strangers BUT they are very willing to help their fellow-man. That has been my experience thus far.
3) Spaniards care about the way they dress.
TRUE. Truer words have never been spoken. I have a 24 year old sister who is just fabulous. ALWAYS. People get dressed just to go to the grocery store. Physical appearance is a matter of pride here much like it is in other big cities in the states EXCEPT not a moment goes by where you will see a Spaniard in public in "relaxing" clothes.
4) You will not become fluent- 4 months just isn't enough time.
This may be true but my Spanish is improving a little bit every day! The downside is, my English is struggling but OH WELL! You win some, you lose some.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
I Lied...
So you know how I said I had nothing to blog about because I spent most of the day sleeping? I lied. There is a reason sleep deprived people are not allowed to operate heavy machinery. True: I did spend most of the day sleeping. False: I did not have a lot to tell y'all about. So this is everything I wanted to blog (but the sleepy made me forget) and a little bit more!
I want to rewind a little bit. My plane from Dayton, Ohio to Chicago was scheduled for 3:30 pm on Monday the 14th. So on Monday I was awakened by the tender kisses of Nautica Elizabeth who was definitely the most sad to see me go. Then I saw Topaz out the door to school where I literally had to command him to hug me. Fourteen is the butt-face age. Don't tell him I said that. Onyx went back to Stonehill College the day before so I just called him to say bye. Just like that, everyone was off to school and I was left to finish up packing (and sleeping). By noon, mom was back which meant that it was time to go to the airport. Talking with mom was very nice. When you have 3 younger siblings, time alone with a parent is hard to come by. I was very grateful for our time together. So we get to the airport and I'm like, "BYE, MOM I LOVE YOU!" and mom's like, "NO WAY. I'M COMIN' IN TO MAKE SURE YOU GET OFF!" And that was the best thing. Moment of honesty: I had to try very hard not to cry. Mkay, we're not gunna talk about me crying ever again.
The first plane was easy-peezy. No complaints. When I got to Chicago (possibly one of the biggest and scariest airports ever ever ever), I paid VERY close attention to all of the signs because I was NAWT about to miss that flight. I got to my gate in time to get a coffee (which ended up being a very bad decision... between that and the mandatory crying baby 3 rows in front of me, I couldn't sleep a wink on the 8 hour flight) and meet another girl doing the same program! I was so grateful to have a friend to travel with. We boarded the plane (which was 90% college students traveling abroad) and I sat down next to a delightful girl from Austin, Texas who was going to study in Seville, another Spanish city. She was very sweet. We got to talk about our fears, anxieties, excitement, God, boys, starting anew. Then she drifted off to sleep like any sane person would. But if you have spoken with me for more than .05 seconds, you know I am not sane. I TRIED TO SLEEP! I DID! But I couldn't. Once this realization sunk in, I got my Bible out and got to spend some sweet time with my Most High. Man, He loves me. I read some of the old stories that I was taught as a kid. Have you ever found something you wrote as a kid or a piece of art you did in Kindergarten? That's what it felt like to see the difference in my own understanding of the Bible and God's love for us as people. Felt good.
Eight hours later, we were landing. INSANITY!!!! The 3 other girls from the USC program and I went through customs (easiest test I'll ever take- I just had to look like the picture in my passport. DONE.), exchanged our useless dollars for Euros, got our luggage and found taxis. I'm pretty sure I got ripped off but who cares. I arrived at my host mom's house without any problems but there I was in front of the apartment complex without any way to get in. Uh-oh. I pulled on that dog-on door with all of my might and nothing. I look to my right and see numbers to call the various apartments. I locate the number I think belongs to my mom and press the call button (which looked a scary amount like a building alarm button). As soon as I pressed the button, this guy tells me to open the door. I'm like, "I CAN'T!" He's like, "PUSH."... Seconds later I was in and my host mom was greeting me. Didn't I feel salty (I did).
My host mom is absolutely fantastic. She is so patient with me and tells me I speak Spanish very well (I haven't called her a liar yet but...). I have a cousin/ sister (I don't really know how we're related yet) who is 25 and SUPER chic. So far, they have taught me how to travel via metro, the political and economic climate, and little bit of Spanish history! I have seriously learned more here with them in 1.5 days than I have in any Spanish class (Sorry to any of my teachers out there reading this!) Today I had orientation where I focused very hard on not falling asleep. I succeeded. Go me. After 4 hours of being talked at, we all went out to lunch. Ever heard the rumor that lunch is Spain's main meal? It's no rumor. I don't know what I expected (that was for you, Amanda Charney). I think I was expecting lunch to be a standard American lunch and then everything else to be smaller portions. I was just so, so wrong. Lunch consisted of a 3 course meal. By the third course, I was angry with my waiter for his insistence that I eat more food. Never thought I would have that problem. Well, I think you are officially caught up! YAY!!!!
PS DO NOT get accustomed to me writing something every day. I only do it now because I do not have that pesky distraction known as "class."
I want to rewind a little bit. My plane from Dayton, Ohio to Chicago was scheduled for 3:30 pm on Monday the 14th. So on Monday I was awakened by the tender kisses of Nautica Elizabeth who was definitely the most sad to see me go. Then I saw Topaz out the door to school where I literally had to command him to hug me. Fourteen is the butt-face age. Don't tell him I said that. Onyx went back to Stonehill College the day before so I just called him to say bye. Just like that, everyone was off to school and I was left to finish up packing (and sleeping). By noon, mom was back which meant that it was time to go to the airport. Talking with mom was very nice. When you have 3 younger siblings, time alone with a parent is hard to come by. I was very grateful for our time together. So we get to the airport and I'm like, "BYE, MOM I LOVE YOU!" and mom's like, "NO WAY. I'M COMIN' IN TO MAKE SURE YOU GET OFF!" And that was the best thing. Moment of honesty: I had to try very hard not to cry. Mkay, we're not gunna talk about me crying ever again.
The first plane was easy-peezy. No complaints. When I got to Chicago (possibly one of the biggest and scariest airports ever ever ever), I paid VERY close attention to all of the signs because I was NAWT about to miss that flight. I got to my gate in time to get a coffee (which ended up being a very bad decision... between that and the mandatory crying baby 3 rows in front of me, I couldn't sleep a wink on the 8 hour flight) and meet another girl doing the same program! I was so grateful to have a friend to travel with. We boarded the plane (which was 90% college students traveling abroad) and I sat down next to a delightful girl from Austin, Texas who was going to study in Seville, another Spanish city. She was very sweet. We got to talk about our fears, anxieties, excitement, God, boys, starting anew. Then she drifted off to sleep like any sane person would. But if you have spoken with me for more than .05 seconds, you know I am not sane. I TRIED TO SLEEP! I DID! But I couldn't. Once this realization sunk in, I got my Bible out and got to spend some sweet time with my Most High. Man, He loves me. I read some of the old stories that I was taught as a kid. Have you ever found something you wrote as a kid or a piece of art you did in Kindergarten? That's what it felt like to see the difference in my own understanding of the Bible and God's love for us as people. Felt good.
Eight hours later, we were landing. INSANITY!!!! The 3 other girls from the USC program and I went through customs (easiest test I'll ever take- I just had to look like the picture in my passport. DONE.), exchanged our useless dollars for Euros, got our luggage and found taxis. I'm pretty sure I got ripped off but who cares. I arrived at my host mom's house without any problems but there I was in front of the apartment complex without any way to get in. Uh-oh. I pulled on that dog-on door with all of my might and nothing. I look to my right and see numbers to call the various apartments. I locate the number I think belongs to my mom and press the call button (which looked a scary amount like a building alarm button). As soon as I pressed the button, this guy tells me to open the door. I'm like, "I CAN'T!" He's like, "PUSH."... Seconds later I was in and my host mom was greeting me. Didn't I feel salty (I did).
My host mom is absolutely fantastic. She is so patient with me and tells me I speak Spanish very well (I haven't called her a liar yet but...). I have a cousin/ sister (I don't really know how we're related yet) who is 25 and SUPER chic. So far, they have taught me how to travel via metro, the political and economic climate, and little bit of Spanish history! I have seriously learned more here with them in 1.5 days than I have in any Spanish class (Sorry to any of my teachers out there reading this!) Today I had orientation where I focused very hard on not falling asleep. I succeeded. Go me. After 4 hours of being talked at, we all went out to lunch. Ever heard the rumor that lunch is Spain's main meal? It's no rumor. I don't know what I expected (that was for you, Amanda Charney). I think I was expecting lunch to be a standard American lunch and then everything else to be smaller portions. I was just so, so wrong. Lunch consisted of a 3 course meal. By the third course, I was angry with my waiter for his insistence that I eat more food. Never thought I would have that problem. Well, I think you are officially caught up! YAY!!!!
PS DO NOT get accustomed to me writing something every day. I only do it now because I do not have that pesky distraction known as "class."
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
And so it Begins
I'M HERE!!!! By "here," I mean Madrid, Spain of course. While I have only been here for 12 hours (and more than half of that time has consisted of me sleeping), so far everything has gone splendidly! My host mom and sister (surprise! I didn't know I was going to have a sister!) have been so patient with me. Hopefully, my Spanish will sharpen up before they request a student who knows what she's doing. Like I said, I have spent a majority of this day sleeping so I do not have much to report. More by Friday!
PS. Special shout out to Troy Camp. First meeting of the semester is tonight and I am INSANELY bummed that I'm missing it. So much TC Love for y'all.
PS. Special shout out to Troy Camp. First meeting of the semester is tonight and I am INSANELY bummed that I'm missing it. So much TC Love for y'all.
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| My String Beans |
Friday, January 11, 2013
Currently Shaking in my Boots
Today is Friday the 11th. I have 3 days until I leave my home country for the first time. How am I feeling? Terrified. It's not that I do not think I have the ability to make it in a new country (Spain) on my own- many a student has gone before me and done splendidly- it's that I am afraid of the unknown. Typical, right? Well, I am! I spent the past 3 days trying to figure out the best way to convert my dollars to Euros and when I finally figured it out, I was too late. But that's OK too! I can still get Euros from the airport in Madrid. Now that I know what I am doing, the money thing is no longer scary. But see that's the problem- when it comes to most things concerning this trip, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. Hence the current fear.
Now that I have expressed how I am currently feeling about my new and exciting adventure to Madrid, I will tell you why the name of my blog is "The Rain in Spain Falls." Remember that children's saying, "The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plains"? Well, that is about as much as I knew about Spain before I considered studying abroad. I named my blog what I did to chart how much I learn about Spain. This is the aspect I am most excited about: learning! I will not claim to be an expert on Spain- I'm not. What I am, is curious. I want to learn more about a culture I have no experience with. I want to be fluent in the language I have studied for 7 years. And hopefully along the way, I'll make a few friends. These are my hopes for my trip. I know more can happen but if these 3 things do, I will count the trip a success. Wish me luck!
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| Madrid, Spain. Can't you hear it calling my name? |
Now that I have expressed how I am currently feeling about my new and exciting adventure to Madrid, I will tell you why the name of my blog is "The Rain in Spain Falls." Remember that children's saying, "The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plains"? Well, that is about as much as I knew about Spain before I considered studying abroad. I named my blog what I did to chart how much I learn about Spain. This is the aspect I am most excited about: learning! I will not claim to be an expert on Spain- I'm not. What I am, is curious. I want to learn more about a culture I have no experience with. I want to be fluent in the language I have studied for 7 years. And hopefully along the way, I'll make a few friends. These are my hopes for my trip. I know more can happen but if these 3 things do, I will count the trip a success. Wish me luck!
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